The recent spike in transfer news and covert deals raised many eyebrows, both locally and abroad. The addition of new Nike and Addidas balls to the club's assets placed the club's finances under intense scrutiny, as the club has always practised a prudent fiscal policy. Players play out of goodwill with no wages, no shirt (Ronnie), no boots (Ronnie), no fitness (Tze), no money to eat (Wee der Leong) and no fans. It's been believed that an imminent takeover by yet another mysterious figure is fuelling all these activities. Here's the Outsider's wish list for the players if the deal goes through.
Hoberto Mancini: His schizophrenic personality belies an innate ability to source out and coach promising youngsters to fulfil their destiny. However, when his ailment strikes, he keeps insisting he's Joe Ho. Maybe his love for this club has overwhelmed him. Time for a break, mate. And a psychologist please.
Ronnietay: Baring his heart, soul and BODY doesn't seem to increase gate recipts. Time to put something on, boy. The new owners will do well to dress and doll him up during matches.
Wee der Leong: Inspired by YouTube clips, he told Outsider that he would love to score an 80 yard goal against fellow U-23 rival Wayne, just like Paul Robinson. The New Owners would have loved that, but their immediate task would be to prevent Wee der Leong from being in the unfortunate shoes of Ben Foster (who was Paul's opposite NO.) Just pray more, Amen.
Liang Fardinand: Despite his sporadic appearances, the ease with which he just walks into the team's Bench is ledengary. His undoubted talent is expressed in other areas including tele-marketing, admin work, teaching and logistics. The New Owners would be pleased if the multi-talented Fardinand were to decide that he would work as their staff. Any other takers?
Fatzegas: A simple, uncalculative man. He just hopes for a decent wage and remuneration. $8 per hour, 1.5 times for Late kick-off, Transport reimbursement after 8pm, post-match free flow, and pre-match meditation.
LeO: Leo must have felt his heart tearing when he saw his fan (and the Club’s solitary fan) braving the Arizonian heat to support him. In spite of the on going debate about whether she supports Leo or the Club, the Outsider feels that her passion and love for him and the game warrants reciprocation. A beach umbrella isn’t too much to ask, is it? Besides with it, the receipts will soar at least 100% (based on the present match turn out of 1)
Cristiano zhipengo: The club never seems to get “enough” of him. A watch, alarm clock, organizer, and New Handphone, please.
Walter Sumuel: The Non-travelling Serangoon Man rarely ventures out of NIE for Soccer. If the club doesn’t want to lose away from home, time to invest on a chauffer.
Joe Ho: His chronic back problem is well-documented, and prevented him from playing regularly. The Outsider gathers that it could be due to his daily moonlighting in a place where back-stabbing is prevalent. A physiotherapist please.
Bobby Gerard: The occasional bust-up over financial disagreements has strained his relationship with the rest of the team. A supercomputer will be needed to calculate his financial status to his required accuracy, in order to maintain the hard-won harmony in the Club. Could the new Owners be Bill GateLey, Billionaire with intimate knowledge of the game?
Nemanjang Weedic: This Hot Dancer could use the half-time to dance the Club’s fortunes away from the red. Ballerina shoes, anyone?
Cong Scholes: Lover-ly boy with a lover-ly attitude. He doesn’t need anything from the Club; the Club needs his everything. More Cong Scholes please!
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